I’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl, and always have been. Sometimes this is a good thing. When I commit to something, I do so wholeheartedly. I make projects that I am invested in a priority, and I am willing to go above and beyond to make them work. This makes me a committed student and employee as long as I care about my classes and job. If I can get involved in things I am passionate about, this is a definite strength.
At other times, my intensity becomes an issue. I tend to over-commit. I tend to dig my heels in and try to do something on strength of will alone. Every part of a project feels like my baby, so I struggle to delegate or ask for help.
Also, I’m not good at balance.
Two weeks ago, I was feeling so much better. I had some energy back. I wasn’t dealing with so much background anxiety. I made it to work on time, went to all of my classes, and ate fairly well. I was starting to feel like I had escaped the slump and had my life back under control.
I dived back into things headfirst, and promptly over-scheduled myself. I wanted to do ALL THE THINGS that I had been missing. I wanted to socialize, attend lectures, and go to club meetings. The first blush of normalcy after a period of depression is always a little intoxicating, and I got drunk on it. I over-scheduled my weekend, shorted myself on sleep, and left absolutely no time to recharge.
Needless to say, last week didn’t go so well.
So, here I am, reminding myself that I am an introvert. As much as I love having friends and hanging out, I need unstructured time to myself. I need time to write and make music and read fluffy nonsense. I need time alone without a to-do list or expectations. I have to find a balance between social time, professional time, and “me” time.
I am also recovering from a long period of depression and a more recent small relapse. I have to take care of myself. I have to eat well and sleep well. I have to move a little every day. I have to watch my self-talk and monitor my habits for signs that things are not going well.
This weekend, I did better. I worked some on Friday, but chose not to go to the career fair. I spent Saturday at home, allowing myself the unstructured time I needed to recharge. I spent Sunday socializing and working on homework. Today, I woke up feeling well-rested and ready for my week. I met with two of my professors this morning to talk about classes I missed, and now I’m settled into a to-do list full of homework and chores. This evening, I’ll work for a few hours, finish up the homework, and go to bed with a clear conscience, ready to head to class bright and early tomorrow morning.