A couple of weeks ago, I talked about how much I struggle with self-discipline and routine. Part of the reason that this bothers me so much is that I know my lack of routine contributes to my tendency towards depression, and I’ve been in quite the funk since Christmas break. Things haven’t exactly improved since that post, and I am fast approaching the point of no return. I told my bestie on the phone the other day that if things weren’t a lot better at the end of this week, I was going to go talk to my doctor about getting back on anti-depressants. I don’t want to. Getting off anti-depressants in the first place was a big deal for me. But I feel like I need some kind of definite deadline to make progress. I can’t afford to let this get out of control.
I’ve made a couple of good first steps. I went to an appointment with a professor on Friday to talk about some research I’m interested in, and we had a great chat. It was exciting for me to know that I can walk into a professor’s office and come off sounding intelligent and on top of things. It was good to know that I am, in fact, capable of networking. I might even not be terrible at it!
I’ve also made a concerted effort to get my act together at work. I had missed a couple of days when I was scheduled to be in the office, and while I’ve been a good employee and have a little grace built up for that, I don’t want to make it a habit. It’s always easiest to pull something out that isn’t that far sunk yet, so work is back on track. I feel good about that. I’m proud of being a good employee.
And, finally, I’ve gotten back on a sleep schedule. Or at least, I was back on a sleep schedule until I babysat Saturday evening. That kind of threw things off. But I shorted myself last night, so I’ll get in bed on time tonight. I can do this!
The next thing to tackle is school. It’s only the third week of classes, so I’m not hopelessly behind, but I want to get a handle on it now rather than three weeks from now. I’ve made a study schedule to catch up where I missed lectures or readings and to get this week’s homework finished. I’m going to be in all of my classes this week, and I’m making a plan to see all of my professors (or their TA’s) in office hours in the next couple of weeks to explain what happened.
And today, I’m going to go to the grocery store and clean up my kitchen. That’s always the part of my apartment that feels the most overwhelming and takes the least time to clean up. Plus, I’ll be able to cook again. Eating well is an important part of feeling better.